Letting Go of the Rope

When I get stressed out, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, or anytime of emotion that I don't want to feel, I run. I love to run, well most of the time. But when I am feeling any of the mentioned emotions all I want to do is run. It helps me clear my head and I am in control. I decide how far, how fast, and how long I want to run. Granted I am a little bit more limited to where I run here, but I still feel in control. As of late running is the only thing I have really been in control of. Everything here is pretty much out of my control. When I eat, sleep, and work are all on a schedule and that schedule is ever changing. In a way I feel so lost.

As I was running today, I started to think about how tight I am holding onto this rope called my plans and what I want to do. I am holding onto this rope so tight that my knuckles are white. This reminds me of waterski camp that I went to in high school. The first thing we learn before we even get in the water is if we fall LET GO OF THE ROPE! And every year there was someone who just couldn't let go, fearing that the boat wouldn't come back for them. So they would just get dragged behind the boat until the driver realized they were dragging their skier. I guess that is how I feel when I am holding on to my rope, I'm so scared that the boat won't come back to get me. I would rather be dragged through the stress and emotions, my water, that go along with holding on so tight then letting go and trusting that God is pulling the boat back around for me to get up and ski to my hearts content. I think it is time to let go, it will be hard and at time frustrating, but it is something that needs to be done. Now doing it is a totally different story, please help me by keeping me accountable.