It's a Heart Thing

As I continue with reading through the New Testament, which I am currently way behind if I want to reach my February goal, I read in Luke about bearing good fruit.

Luke 6:45 " The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."

Which led me to the following questions: What is my heart in abundance of? Good or Evil? As of right now, I don't know. That's a lie, I just don't want to face the fact that if you heard the way I have been talking or acting you wouldn't see good fruit. It is totally a heart thing. I think this place as started to make me bitter, and that is never pretty. There is a lot of negativity that surrounds this place and I am starting to soak it in and in turn contribute to it. To be fair I have met some really cool people out here who are positive and encouraging.

SO what do I do? I need to put things into perspective and let go of the things I have no control over and change the things I do have control of like my attitude. This deployment is temporary and I am in the need of a heart change that will in turn become an attitude change. Please pray for me that my heart will be in abundance of good and that my mouth will speak of it. I will leave you with this verse that my good friend Jim brought to my attention:

John 16:33 "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

Song of the day: "Give Me Faith"- Elevation Worship

Shown Mercy

I've been debating whether or not to post this particular blog. I shared my thoughts with my friend Carlene out her and she said I should, and after talking with Melissa today during a wonderful skype date. I think I'm ready. Here we go...

As I was reading through the book of Mark I came across this passage "And they began to beg Jesus to depart from their region. As he was getting into the boat, the man who had been possessed with demons begged him that he might be with him. And he did not permit him but said to him 'go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you and how he had mercy on you' (Mark 5:17-19)"

The man obeyed. As I was thinking about this and the phrase "Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you and how he had mercy on you" I came to realize that I don't do this. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one out. Yes there are things in my past that I am ashamed of and I leave out with people ask about my testimony. The more I think about it the more I am convicted to tell my friends that way they know what the Lord has done for me and how he has shown me mercy. I think as a society that just doesn't happen. I'm not saying to celebrate our sins, but lets celebrate the fact they we have been healed.

I challenge you the reader to be bold in telling others in how you have been healed. I know it can be embarrassing and shamefull, but I think we need to trust our brothers and sisters in Christ. I'll even start us off. I used to live my life as a homosexual, but I now longer do and that is because of what he Lord has done for me and how he had mercy on me.

Wake Up

As I was filing my taxes, this song played on my iPod and I thought it would share it will you all. It got me thinking....

Wake Up
By: All Sons and Daughters

Verse 1:
We have seen the pain that shaped our hearts
And in our shame we’re still breathing
Cause we have seen the hope
Of Your healing
Rising from our souls
Is the feeling
We are drawing close
Your light is shining through

Chorus
So wake up
Wake up, wake up
All you sleepers
Stand up
Stand up, stand up
All you dreamers
Hands up
Hands up, hands up
All believers
Take up your cross
And carry it on

Verse 2
All that You reveal with light in us
Will come to life and start breathing
Cause we have seen the hope
Of Your healing
Rising from our souls
Is the feeling
We are drawing close
Your light is shining through

Chorus:
So wake up
Wake up, wake up
All you sleepers
Stand up
Stand up, stand up
All you dreamers
Hands up
Hands up, hands up
All belivers
Take up your cross
And carry it on

Bridge:
Here we stand our hearts are Yours
Not our will but Yours be done (x4)

Letting Go of the Rope

When I get stressed out, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, or anytime of emotion that I don't want to feel, I run. I love to run, well most of the time. But when I am feeling any of the mentioned emotions all I want to do is run. It helps me clear my head and I am in control. I decide how far, how fast, and how long I want to run. Granted I am a little bit more limited to where I run here, but I still feel in control. As of late running is the only thing I have really been in control of. Everything here is pretty much out of my control. When I eat, sleep, and work are all on a schedule and that schedule is ever changing. In a way I feel so lost.

As I was running today, I started to think about how tight I am holding onto this rope called my plans and what I want to do. I am holding onto this rope so tight that my knuckles are white. This reminds me of waterski camp that I went to in high school. The first thing we learn before we even get in the water is if we fall LET GO OF THE ROPE! And every year there was someone who just couldn't let go, fearing that the boat wouldn't come back for them. So they would just get dragged behind the boat until the driver realized they were dragging their skier. I guess that is how I feel when I am holding on to my rope, I'm so scared that the boat won't come back to get me. I would rather be dragged through the stress and emotions, my water, that go along with holding on so tight then letting go and trusting that God is pulling the boat back around for me to get up and ski to my hearts content. I think it is time to let go, it will be hard and at time frustrating, but it is something that needs to be done. Now doing it is a totally different story, please help me by keeping me accountable.

Just a thought

Just Angry

Today I am angry. I don't know why, but I just woke up in a horrible mood. It probably didn't help that my roommate here kept turning on and off the lights all morning. As I was thinking about it during a very boring flight out here, which is a good thing as far as my mother is concern. I think I am just angry because there are so many unknowns in my life right now. I don't know when I am coming home from this deployment, word on the street is still Julyish. I have no clue where I am going next as far as bases are concern. I feel like I should stay in Okinawa for another year, but yet I'm pulled to go to Beale AFB in Cali so I can be closer to my family. Like I said so many unknowns and it is really frustrating me. But then as I was reading the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew this passage stuck out to me "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes" Matthew 6:34 (Message). Another reminder that I need to trusts God in all of this. He knows when I am coming home and where the best place for me to live after I get back. I need to focus on today and the blessing I have received. Nothing horrible happened on my flight, I landed at the same place I took off from and I received a care package from my mom. I have amazing friends and family who are praying for me, to whom I am extremely grateful. I guess at the end of the day, I have a lot of good things in my life right now and I need to stop focusing on the negative.

Reason to Sing by All Sons & Daughters

This song puts into words what I am feeling right now. I thought about just posting the lyrics, but found that it doesn't do the song justice. The emotions in her voice I think what really draws me to this song along with the lyrics of course. Hope you enjoy and can relate.

Let's Do It!

Here is my second attempt to become a blogger. The last time I lack the discipline to do the up keep. This blog will be me documenting this journey through life and all the twist and turns that come my way. As the title says Let’s Do It!

I was journaling tonight and this is what I’ve been going through the last couple of months.

I need to get back to the basics. I am trying to read through Isaiah right now and it just isn’t working. I need to get back to the ultimate sacrifice and that love God has for me. I think it is time to read through the the New Testament. I think my goal will to have read the entire new testament by the end of February. I know that is over a month, but I want to soak up His world. Not just read it to meet the end goal of checking off a box in my Christian walk. I need to get back to the relationship part of my faith. Just like with my friends, if I don’t put in the energy to maintain the relationship, it slowly starts to fade away. The big difference is God isn’t the one who fades away it is me. He has done all the work on his end to be in this relationship by sacrificing his son to atone for my sins, bridging the gap and all I need to do is pursue Him. Why is that so hard? God gives us everything we need, maybe not everything we want including the hard times. Yet we choose to run. I find that crazy. The one person who can give us everything we need we tend to run from. And here lies the question, why am I running right now?

I am deployed and not surrounded by a strong christian community like I was in Okinawa, and I was bitter to begin with about this deployment. But instead of turning to the one who gives me comfort I pout and stomp my feet like a toddler/teenager in a tantrum. Why is that? I guess it goes to the question mentioned before. Why am I running away right now? Well I have about 5 plus months/11 paychecks here in Afghanistan to figure it out and turn around and start running towards my comforter and provider. Let this part of my faith marathon begin.